CoonBoy

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Living in the Basement of the Great Recession

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Amazon

Barnes & Noble, iStore, Smashwords Coming Date

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Chapter Heads” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left”]Me
Me and My Cousin’s Red Speckled Balls
Me and My Addiction
Me and Spinning Dead Babies
Me and Poor Tilly
Me and Barking Dogs
Me and Junior, Jr.
Me and God’s Creatures
Me and the Terrorists at Starbucks, Part 1
Me and the Terrorists at Starbucks, Part 2
Me and the Terrorists at Starbucks, Part 3
Me, in a Blue Moon
Me and Used Food
Me and the KKK and the Homecoming Queen
Me and Mr. Vice President of Kiss My Ass
Me and My Type
An Update
Me and the Man of My Dreams
Me and the Antichrist Conquer Walmart
Me and the Eternal Journey[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Legendary Intro” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left”]

Legendary adman Conley J. Boyce takes you fill circle — from London, New York, Paris and Amsterdam, back to his roots, a white trash white trash house trailer tethered to a bucket of shit in the deep south. From his earliest years playing with his cousin’s testicles to heart wrenching remembrances of man-goat love, to his upcoming demise on Lake Como, where he is to be cremated and dumped unceremoniously by George Clooney himself, CoonBoy’s stories are a cautionary tale for those who would whore at the feet of corporate America and expect much in return. It is a short, short story of the world too many of us find ourselves living in day to day, no matter which bucket we call home.

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Me and My Cousin’s Red Speckled Balls

Me and my cousin Roy Lee used to pee off the front porch together.

It seemed we always had to go pee at the same time, so we would run, barefoot and shirtless, to the far corner of the front porch, which was about three feet off the ground, high for us, pull down the elastic bands to our blue and white seersucker shorts and let her rip, better synchronized than the June Taylor Dancers.

This time was like all the others – except for the gobbler. A turkey rooster is called a gobbler.

You see, Roy Lee was uncircumcised . . .

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CoonBoy Offers

The Services of a Gentleman

 

Well-spoken, well-read, reasonably well traveled

Published, with knowledge of, or experience in, fine art, classical music, financial services, international marketing

Computer and Internet literate

Licensed private pilot, though not current

Avid cook, gardener, bridge player

Casino savvy

Not fully conversational in French, German or Spanish,

but can get by in a pinch

Tuxedo, Parachute

Experienced with firearms

Have each of Popular Mechanics ‘50 Tools Every Man Should Own’ and know how to use them

Available for service as personal secretary, accompaniment for social occasions, or traveling companion

Open to suggestions from confident women of means

References

» Suggestions

(Unsure? Venice is good.)

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Me and My Cousin’s Red Speckled Balls

Me and my cousin Roy Lee used to pee off the front porch together.

It seemed we always had to go pee at the same time, so we would run, barefoot and shirtless, to the far corner of the front porch, which was about three feet off the ground, high for us, pull down the elastic bands to our blue and white seersucker shorts and let her rip, better synchronized than the June Taylor Dancers.

This time was like all the others – except for the gobbler. A turkey rooster is called a gobbler.

You see, Roy Lee was uncircumcised . . .

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Me and My Cousin’s Red Speckled Balls

Me and my cousin Roy Lee used to pee off the front porch together.

It seemed we always had to go pee at the same time, so we would run, barefoot and shirtless, to the far corner of the front porch, which was about three feet off the ground, high for us, pull down the elastic bands to our blue and white seersucker shorts and let her rip, better synchronized than the June Taylor Dancers.

This time was like all the others – except for the gobbler. A turkey rooster is called a gobbler.

You see, Roy Lee was uncircumcised . . .

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CoonBoy is The Art of the Lifestyle. And it is damned, damned good.

Moses Cobb

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Vulgar.

Vulgar and Embarrassing.

BooCoo

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This is a novelty book of short stories. It’s an odd combination of Opie of Mayberry cutesy down home silliness, and outright horror and cruelty which somehow comes together as utterly believable, though I’m not sure if any of it is or if it is all just complete BS. But it is a great airplane read.

 

If you can get over the fact that the author seems to be a reprehensible misogynist, it’s interesting. I reluctantly started to read the copy on my husband’s Kindle and by the second or third page was Hooded. It’s a nasty drug

 

who cares one more whiney-assed, over the hill creative type who thinks the world owes him something it’s a character not a person wake up get on with your life.

 

These stories (it’s a very short book) are really charming, a little boy who never left his past and who will carry it to his grave.

 

As an anthology or linked short stories, Coon boy falls flat. There’s too much missing, too many holes in the story. But as flash fiction, it shine. Some stories are only a half a page. The longest is 7 or 8. It’s in the wrong category. Airport book, toilet read, blog posts, whatever, look at it that way and it scores.

 

Seething sarcasm written like an advertisement for a wasted life. Maybe I’m supposed to feel sorry for Coon Boy Boyce but I don’t.

 

no god no partriot no stars if not free wouldn’t pay for this not even a book no stars

 

Not a hero in sight and a message around every corner, snippets, episodes, fragments, bits and pieces of a whole it’s up to you to put them together to create the story you want to hear. tHIS is what flash fiction is all aobut A GAME a do it yourself get what ou want out of it more more more

 

CoonBoy is the way it used to be — and still is — the same old story told over and over, maybe this time a little more entertaining than most. Everyday stories about everyday people you hope you never meet.

 

Far apart from most of the ‘remembrances of things past’ collections you see. But be careful with the Suzze Poops thing that comes as a bonus. It is absolutely vile.

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Me and God’s Creatures

I worked at K-mart.

In the feminine hygiene department.

That’s where I saw my first waterhead.

And where I fell in love with Naomi Blizzard.

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